Sometimes I Am My Mother

 

Sometimes I Am My Mother | Maria Killam

This is me ūüôā

Many of you know how close I am to my Mother. I’m secretly glad she had us kids when she was so young (my Mom was 20 when I was born), because that means she’ll be with us longer! Hopefully forever!

Sometimes I Am My Mother | Maria Killam

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My mother has so much energy it’s hard to contribute to her. When I’m at her house and she needs something upstairs, for example, I’ll start getting up to fetch it for her and she’ll bounce out of her chair and say “I need the exercise!”. Growing up, she would wake us up with¬†freshly made carrot juice in the summer after she’d been up at 5:00 am pulling them out of our garden and of course everything was made from scratch.

Terreeia and I took my Mom to an all-inclusive resort in Los Cabo this winter, she¬†has¬†never been on a vacation where food was simply delivered to your table or your lounge chair by the pool! She felt very spoiled which was our intention! At one point, she¬†said “I don’t feel like I deserve this” which is a comment I’ve heard her say before.¬†It was then when I realized that we all have¬†an insecurity thats always running in the background. I asked Terreeia what hers is, she said ‘I don’t belong’.

Mine is ‘People don’t like me’. Whenever I meet someone new, that is automatically right there for me. I guess it’s because I can be quite blunt and straightforward which is a trait I know many of you thankfully appreciate about me in my musings about subway tile and undertones ūüėČ ;).

And I am not that good at small talk. When I call people I¬†have to remember to say “How are you?” instead of jumping straight to the point.

Sometimes I Am My Mother | Maria Killam

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Since writing this blog, my world has changed a little. When you meet me, because you’ve already been reading this blog, I’ve already made it with you, you already get me, and you either like (or don’t like) my straightforward personality and direct point of view. We’re friends already, and it’s a beautiful thing.

So out there in the virtual world, I have lots of friends, but at home, not as many.

Before I met Terreeia, I was alone a lot,¬†and I was really tortured that I was not doing what I loved to do, my self expression was just not out in the world¬†yet. I didn’t start writing this blog until I was 40, until then I was secretly convinced that if I was ever going to own a home or have the money to do all the things I wanted to do, I would have to marry it first.

My Mom’s¬†unconditional love and support has kept me going through the years when I felt like a failure because I was mostly convinced that¬†the fact that I didn’t have an interior design degree held me back¬†and of course it didn’t help that I¬†kept getting fired.¬†My Mom has always been there for me anytime I called in an upset, sometimes it was late at night, sometimes it was early in the morning, she has never once been annoyed¬†that I woke her up.

Sometimes I Am My Mother | Maria Killam

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Through all my ups and downs especially when I was struggling to create my career in the creative world, my Mom has always been there for me, encouraging me and telling me I have a gift and that I was someone special. I have my Mom’s¬†big heart and compassionate nature,¬†and I’m so grateful that I’m lucky enough to call her my best friend.

I love you so much Mom! I am who I am because of your unconditional love and support!

Thanks to all the Mom’s out there who read my blog and I wish¬†you all a wonderful Mother’s Day weekend!!

xoxo Maria

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  1. I think your wonderful just the way you are and if
    people cant recognize that in the real world…..they
    are the ones missing out!!! But I do know what you
    mean about having trouble making new friends. I had to retire early because of my health and without a regular workplace to go to its harder to make new friends and the ones I have are still working and dont have a lot of time to see me so I spend a lot of time alone also.
    I know a guy who was rather outspoken and he got fired a lot too.He told me that he knew he could do the job better than most of his bosses so he started what turned out to be the largest
    consulting firms in his field. I also admire him for his ability to say what he thinks and wish I was that self assured.
    So I vote that you stay as you are and be proud of it because your heart is in the right place and you are so lucky to have a great Mom and Terreeia
    in your life. If I lived in Vancouver I would Be thrilled to be your friend.
    Carol

  2. What a lovely tribute to motherhood and what a special mom you have. You are blessed. Earlier this morning I was thinking how things have changed. When we were starting out things were easier in many ways, especially in how much things like houses cost. We all had homes in our 20s, married young, children young. Our daughter is in her 40s and they are finally able to build a house. Also, when you have a fabulous mother like you had it can be hard to live up to and the mom doesn’t even realize that by making it look easy she is causing her daughter to doubt herself. It was just different then, simpler in many ways. God bless you and your mom.

  3. Tell Terreeia that her super power is kindness (according to how you write about her).

    There are probably a lot of people who meet her and start second-guessing themselves about how kind they are.

  4. Such a beautiful post! I appreciate your honesty and transparency. Hope to meet you in person one of these days! Your straightforward voice is always with me when I do color consultations. I’m more of a people-pleasing empath, so I’ve appreciated the tools and words you’ve shared over the years to help me be more of a strong leader with my clients. xoxo! -Jill

  5. Maria, how truly enjoyable your blog is! As a color consultant for “Beauty for All Seasons” (skin analysis paired with fabric drapes from each season’s colors followed by instruction for make-up purchasing and application…wow, I initially thought the description of that would be much shorter b/c you probably know all about that and, after all, this comment is about your amazing instruction online), THANK YOU FOR ALL YOUR GENEROUS EFFORT TO ALERT US AND MAKE US HAPPY WITH OUR CHOICES! And especially, thank you for today’s long message re: wonderful moms who enabled their daughters to be so influential and wonderful, too.ūüėä